Parenting is one of the most challenging, yet rewarding roles in life. However, it is not a linear role, and there is no one size fits all. What works for one parent might not work for anyone else. Regardless, each parent wants the best for his child, though their techniques might vary. Over the years, there have been many “healthy” parenting ideas that have floated around, however not all of them work with kids anymore. Here are some parenting techniques that were once widely accepted but don’t work—and what modern parents can do instead.
Total obedienceIn our growing up years, parents often used the phrase “Because I said so” to end arguments, with no room to have a discussion with the kids. This approach relied on authority (and only that), and expected children to follow rules without question.Why it doesn’t work anymore:Today’s children grow up in a world that values critical thinking and open communication. Simply demanding respect and authority, without explanation, can lead to resentment, confusion, and poor decision-making skills. Kids need to understand the reasons behind rules to learn self-discipline and responsibility. Only then will they be able to follow them.What to do insteadInstead of issuing commands, explain why a rule exists. For example, say, “Why do you finish your homework first, and then go out and play in the fresh air?” This encourages children to think critically, since it puts the ball in their court, which also makes them feel respected.Strict “no questions asked” punishmentsIn the past, strict punishments like yelling, or time-outs without explanation were commonly used to correct behavior. The focus was on instant correction, rather than understanding and talking it out with the kids.Why it doesn’t work anymore:Research shows that harsh punishments can harm a child’s emotional health, damage trust, and increase anxiety or aggression. Punishing without discussing the behavior, does not give the chance to teach children how to make better choices in life, and also fails to teach them a lesson (which is the whole point of a punishment)What to do insteadUse gentle but firm discipline combined with calm conversations. Instead of punishment alone, talk about why a behavior is wrong and what else could have been done at that point. Say something like, “What you have done is wrong, and you need to understand this.” This helps children develop empathy, self-control, and problem-solving skills.Over-scheduling kidsMany parents believe that keeping children busy with activities, sports, tutoring, and constant supervision (helicopter parenting) is the best way to ensure success in the long-run. This mostly stems from the fast paced world of today, where competition is fierce, and no parents want their kid to be left behind.Why it doesn’t work anymore:Over-scheduling can lead to stress, burnout, and no leaves no leeway for kids to “be kids.” It also limits free play, which is essential for social skills, imagination, and emotional regulation. Over-parenting, or “helicopter parenting,” can prevent kids from learning independence and resilience.
What to do insteadAllow children plenty of free time to explore, play, and relax. Give them age-appropriate responsibilities, and space to solve problems on their own. This builds confidence and teaches them how to handle challenges.Ignoring kids’ emotional needsOlder parenting styles often emphasized toughness and discouraged children from expressing strong emotions like sadness, fear, or anger. The idea was to “toughen up” kids and avoid “spoiling” them. Because of this, kids did not have a safe space to voice their concerns.Why it doesn’t work anymore:Suppressing emotions can harm mental health and prevent children from developing emotional intelligence. Children who cannot express their feelings may struggle with anxiety, depression, or social difficulties later in life.What to do insteadEncourage children to talk about their feelings openly and listen without judgment (and interfering) . Teach them healthy ways to cope with emotions, such as deep breathing, journaling, or talking to a trusted adult. Emotional awareness is key to building strong relationships and self-esteem.Chasing perfectionMany parents feel pressure to be perfect—never making mistakes, always knowing the right answer, and managing everything flawlessly.Why it doesn’t work anymore:Perfectionism in general is a flawed concept for children and adults alike. It can lead to stress, guilt, and fear of failure. Children also learn by watching their parents, so seeing mistakes and how to handle them teaches resilience and adaptability.What to do insteadAccept that parenting is a learning curve, and will have its own ups and downs. Allow, and tell your children that making mistakes is normal and an opportunity to grow. Being honest, flexible, and kind to yourself is a great learning tool for your kids.Just like everything else in the world, parenting too, needs to evolve. And once in a while, there is nothing wrong in learning some values from your children too. After all, learning should never stop!
