With most late-night hosts on vacation, Jimmy Kimmel roasts Donald Trump’s self-involved Memorial Day antics.
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel is the only late-night host at work the week after Memorial Day, or as he put it on Tuesday, “the day on which we remember the sacrifices our fellow Americans made to protect the freedoms we now willingly give up in exchange for a red baseball cap”.
The president, naturally, “celebrated the first two letters of Memorial Day this weekend”, Kimmel quipped. As he is wont to do, Trump posted to Truth Social in all caps: “HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY.”
“Any subject, he connects it to the previous administration,” Kimmel noted.
The president also delivered a commencement address at West Point, the nation’s premier military academy, in which he rambled about 89-year-old golfer Gary Player and the folly of trophy wives. “I think we just found out what it would be like to take a whole graduating class to visit grandpa in the home,” Kimmel mused. “How long until we find him wandering in his bathrobe along the side of the road?”
“In fairness, he did get into military stuff,” Kimmel continued, “at one point dazzling the students with some of the new technology and weaponry that awaits them.” As Trump put it: “It is very different warfare out there today. They’ve introduced a thing called drone.”
“It’s controlled by a thing called computer,” Kimmel jokingly added. “He always sounds like a caveman who just got thawed out of a block of ice.”
While the students of West Point were treated to a Trump speech for free, attendees at a special VIP dinner for the top 200 purchasers of his cryptocurrency weren’t so lucky. Though people paid millions for a chance to talk with him, Trump only made a brief 15-minute appearance before dancing his way off stage. “He danced out of the room and all the way to the bank,” said Kimmel of the snub. “He treated these crypto bros like they were his own sons.”
“We talk a lot about how much Trump hates people who don’t agree with him; he also doesn’t seem too fond of the ones who do,” he added.
The menu, at least, included something called the “Trump organic field green Salad”, “which is funny because salad is the only thing he knows less about than crypto”, Kimmel quipped.
