Author David Litt, whose new book is called “It’s Only Drowning: A True Story of Learning to Surf and the Search for Common Ground,” knows plenty about the ways of Washington, and the workings of human nature:
What happens when a former Obama speechwriter and a Joe Rogan superfan start surfing together? Well, if you’re me, and the superfan is my brother-in-law Matt, what happens is this:
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You learn that in our divided country, “common ground” is even harder to find than you thought. But “neutral ground” is more important than you imagined.
For a long time, Matt and I had basically nothing in common. He’s an electrician who owns a pickup truck for work; I’m a writer who owns two computer monitors for work. He listens to death metal; I listen to Stephen Sondheim.
Matt once threw out his back training to be a mixed-martial arts fighter, and I once threw out my back picking up a bag of cat litter.
But Matt’s a surfer, and during the pandemic, I started surfing, too. We began spending time together in the water, and even set our sights on a trip to Oahu’s famously dangerous North Shore.
I imagined that our journey would reveal the common ground you hear so much about these days.
Nope! We still have basically nothing in common.
We disagree about little stuff, like music and food. We disagree about big stuff, like voting and vaccines.
But what we discovered is that our disagreements don’t have to mean everything. The ocean became our neutral ground, a place where we could spend time together focused on something other than our differences.
We learned from each other. We broadened each other’s horizons. We became friends. And that friendship has led to real discussions – not just debates or arguments – on issues where we don’t see eye-to-eye. That’s more important than ever.
Family Photo 
As my old boss used to say, we have to be able to “disagree without being disagreeable.”
So, if there’s someone in your life who you’re afraid to talk with about political stuff – and these days, everything seems like political stuff – here’s my advice: Find your neutral ground. Be open to unlikely friendships. Be willing to learn from someone, even if it’s someone you don’t fully understand.
And also, if you’re picking up a bag of cat litter, lift with your legs, not your back.
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Story produced by Annie Iezzi. Editor: Emanuele Secci.
