In today’s wellness-focused world, where sleep is recognised as a crucial pillar of good health, “sleep divorces” – where partners choose to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms – are becoming increasingly popular. This trend has even been embraced by several celebrities, including comedian Katherine Ryan.
On the latest episode of her podcast What’s My Age Again? – which was released on Tuesday – Ryan chatted with her guest Bryony Gordon about sleeping arrangements, and Gordon shared that: “I like my sleep. I think sharing a bed with your husband is overrated.”
Ryan then revealed that she spends most nights sleeping in her children’s nursery.
When asked by Gordon if she shared a bed with her husband, Ryan said: “I would. But he snores. He does sweat in his sleep sometimes. I prefer to sleep alone, but I would be willing to do it. But we have very small children who still wake through the night and I sleep in their room like the f****g dog on Peter Pan.”
We want to know why so many couples are opting for a sleep divorce and if separate beds are the key to a good night’s sleep, so have consulted with some top sleep experts to find out…
What are the typical reasons couples consider sleeping separately?
“Good-quality sleep is crucial for both physical and mental wellbeing, increasing energy levels, improving mood, and promoting better overall health,” says Dr Hana Patel, NHS GP and resident sleep expert at Time4Sleep. “A sleep divorce can help couples to address potential sleep disruptions such as snoring or restlessness.
“If you are finding that sleeping with your partner is causing you to experience chronic lack of sleep, and you find that your health and wellbeing are suffering as a result, it may be time to consider a sleep divorce.”
Snoring is the number one disruption for getting a good night’s sleep, according to research by the National Bed Federation.
A survey conducted by The Sleep Council in 2009, found that less than one couple in 10 (7%) had separate beds, suggesting the rate of separate sleeping has roughly doubled in the past decade.
“This research also found that 38% of men and 36% of women quoted snoring as the number one reason for a sleep divorce,” says Dr Ryan Cheong, ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) consultant and sleep surgeon at Cleveland Clinic London.
However, other factors such as fidgeting can also disrupt co-sleeping.
“If your bed partner is fidgeting or moving around, or if you have different sleeping patterns these factors can potentially disrupt the quality of sleep,” notes Cheong. “Also, if your partner has very strong, different preferences for their sleeping environment, like temperature, light exposure, mattress comfort or material, then that can be an issue as well.”
When should you seek help for snoring?
“With my patients we usually look into how to improve their co-sleeping and explore ways to reduce the symptoms of snoring first, before talking about a potential sleep divorce,” says Cheong. “Snoring can improve through various lifestyle modifications, like diet and exercise, and with things like mandibular advancement devices.”
But symptoms like loud snoring, gasping and choking noises during sleep and daytime tiredness and mood swings could signal a more serious issue like sleep apnea disorder.
“It is estimated that approximately eight million people in the UK have obstructive sleep apnea, and this can have significantly increased risk of things like strokes and heart attacks,” warns Cheong. “There are different treatments on offer like hypoglossal nerve implants. Both the Genio Nyxoah and the Inspire implants trials that were conducted by myself and my team have been shown to improve both the patient’s sleep apnea as well as snoring by the bed partner.”
Is there any research that suggests the opposite – that we actually sleep better next to someone else?“Research suggests that there’s a 10% increase in rapid eye movement sleep when we’re co-sleeping,” explains Cheong. “The discussions about why this might be the case stems from the social aspect of human evolution, that we tend to be quite social creatures in nature, and having a partner, and in this case a bed partner, gives us the sense of security.”
What can couples do to improve their shared sleep environment?
“Ensure that you are having good discussions about your sleeping schedules and are optimising your sleeping environment,” advises Cheong. “Make sure that the room is as dark as possible, for example.
“Lower temperatures can also help with having a good night’s sleep. So, be mindful of the temperatures, the material of the mattress, the material of the blanket, and the preferences of your bed partner.”
How would you recommend someone bringing up the idea of a sleep divorce to their partner?
“As long as the discussion and the request is coming from a place of respect, love and understanding, then it’s more likely to be received well by your bed partner when the subject is brought up,” says Cheong.
Patel agrees and adds: “If you think that a sleep divorce may be beneficial, discuss the idea with your partner and try testing it out for a short period of time to see if it works for you.
“Whilst some may assume that a sleep divorce hinders bedroom intimacy between couples, in fact, it can significantly enhance intimacy and the overall quality of a couple’s sex life, particularly for those in long-term relationships. This is because increased energy levels and improved mood from better sleep are important factors in encouraging a healthy libido.”
