Every parent wants the best for their child, whether it is getting them the most expensive toy, taking them out for vacations, or in general, pampering them. However, one thing that parents can’t procur for their child is ‘popularity’. In today’s fast paced world, not every child has friends who join them during recess, or who invite them to birthday celebrations. A child who lacks popularity, does not have a problem by definition. However, for a parent and the child, it can be a matter of huge concern, since kids thrive on childhood bonds and friendships. If your child is not ‘popular’ by conventional standards, here’s how to deal with him/her…Listen and Show SupportChildren who feel left out, need to know that home is a safe place. Start by asking your child through a gentle approach, to share their school experience. Give your child space to share all their academic accomplishments and difficulties. Maintain silence during the conversation while withholding advice and judgment.
Try saying:“I’m here for you. Want to tell me about your day?”Your interest will make your child feel better, even if they do not want to talk. Emphasise to your child that their emotions are natural, and acceptable. All people experience periods of loneliness together with worry and awkwardness (even adults). Children gain confidence to handle social struggles, by having someone listen to them while offering support.Focus on Strengths Beyond PopularityExplain to your child that popularity isn’t the most important thing in school (or in life). Help your child recognise their special talents and positive attributes. Each child possesses unique qualities, which they display through art, sports, reading abilities, and their sense of humor.Search for activities your child enjoys, so they can connect with others who share their interests. Your child should join either a club or music class, or volunteer group. True friendships develop naturally in these environments, without being dependent on school popularity.Teach Social Skills Through PracticeSome children face challenges with popularity, because they find social interactions difficult to gauge. Help your child master fundamental social abilities, through practice at home. Together, you should stage different social scenarios to practice greetings, when meeting new people and joining groups, as well as learning how to handle teasing.The following easy conversation starters should be practiced:“Can I play with you?”“That book looks interesting. What’s it about?”“I like your drawing!”Teach your child about body language interpretation, and active listening along with maintaining eye contact and learning to exchange turns. Inform your child that the process of making friends needs patience, together with bravery. Home practice of social skills enables your child to apply them when they are at school.Build Their World Outside of SchoolLet your child understand their social connections extend past the school playground. Set aside time for socialising with family members, neighbors, and cousins. Having just a few meaningful relationships can provide enough support and sense of value to a person.Plan playdates or host a movie night at home. Encourage your child to invite someone for a walk, board game, or shared hobby. Experiencing different social situations demonstrates to your child that friendships develop between various people, in multiple settings beyond their classroom.
Set a Positive Example and Model Coping SkillsChildren learn by watching adults. Teach them effective strategies to deal with rejection alongside loneliness, as well as feeling different from others. Share stories from your life experiences about friendships, and include the positive and negative aspects of these relationships. Explain to them how you discovered genuine friends while dealing with difficult times, and how you enjoyed solo activities.Teach resilience through the demonstration of appropriate reactions to disappointing situations. You might say:“Sometims I feel left out too, but I remember what Grandma always said: ‘Be your own best company first.’”“The most popular group is not the only group that matters. True friends show up when you need them.”Teach your child to show respect toward everyone regardless of their popularity status. The approach helps your child develop confidence, while enabling them to provide assistance to others as well.
