All parents want their children to grow up to be healthy individuals, with strength and self-assurance. Children need confidence to tackle new challenges, while building friendships and acquiring new skill sets as well. However, some parenting behaviors which parents may unintentionally display, can damage their child’s self-confidence. To make your child feel good about themselves, you should stay away from these 5 typical, but unknown parenting mistakes.
Constantly Criticising or Correcting
It is natural for parents to expect their children to succeed in life, and not make mistakes. However, when parents dedicate most of their time in criticising, it leads the child to believe their efforts are never sufficient.
How it affects confidence:Children experience failure when they continually hear statements such as “You did that wrong” or “Why can’t you do better?” The child develops a failure mentality, when they receive constant negative feedback.What to do instead:Pay attention to your child’s efforts and recognise their strengths, even when their work is not flawless. Instead of focusing on the problems, you should express support through statements such as “You dedicated effort to this task” or “I admire your attempt.”
Comparing Your Child to Others
Most parents assess their child’s accomplishments through comparisons with family members, as well as schoolmates and siblings. The statements “Why can’t you be like your brother?” or “Your friend did better” creates harm to a child’s self-esteem.The problem with comparisons:Each child develops at their own unique rhythm, because they bring special characteristics to the world. Hearing comparative statements from others makes children doubt their abilities , and they feel they lack sufficient qualities.A better approach:The focus should be placed on helping your child develop as an individual. Commend both their tiny accomplishments, and their continuous advancement. Let your child establish personal objectives, instead of fighting against the performance of others.
Overprotecting and “Doing” Things for Them
Natural parental instincts drive adults to shield their children from potential failure, and pain. However, this can have an adverse effect as well. Parents who take control of every decision, and prevent their children from facing even small challenges, deny their children opportunities to develop self-assurance.Why overprotection hurts confidence:Learning occurs through attempting tasks, followed by failures and then additional attempts. When you constantly interfere with tasks, children will develop the impression they lack the ability to complete things independently. Children need this experience to develop independence while building their self-confidence.
What parents can try:Let your child perform duties suitable for their age, and provide independence to solve their own problems. Provide assistance through guidance, but refrain from controlling everything. Let your child learn to tie their shoes, or pick out their own clothes. Celebrate their efforts.
Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Parents sometimes establish high goals for their children, in hopes of driving them toward greater success. The result of such unrealistic expectations leads children to fail, regardless of how much effort they put in, because expectations are either unattainable, or too ambiguous.The impact of unrealistic expectations:Children who focus on meeting unattainable targets, will develop anxiety while losing their self-assurance. Children experience rejection or feelings of rejection, when they fail to reach the high standards set before them.How to fix this:Establish practical goals that both fit your child’s abilities, and match their areas of interest. Engage in discussions with your child to discover their goals, while offering support with kindness. Encourage your child to move forward even though they will not achieve flawlessness.
Not Listening or Valuing Their Feelings
Children need to feel heard and understood. Children experience feelings of importance, loss and insecurity when parents dismiss their emotions through statements like “Stop crying,” “It’s nothing,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.”Why feelings matter:When children believe their emotions hold no value, they tend to stop revealing their thoughts and doubts. Children experience a decrease in their self-worth, while simultaneously losing trust in themselves as well as in others.What to do instead:Listen patiently, validate their feelings, and give them space to express themselves. Say things like, “You are upset and I understand that you feel this way”, or “Please explain what is going on for you.” This helps children build emotional confidence.
Building Your Child’s Confidence
The first step in the process of helping your child develop positive self-esteem is to recognise these mistakes. Confidence grows from being loved and respected and encouraged, regardless of outcomes.Here are some simple tips to build confidence:Praise effort more than outcome.Encourage your child to try new things and support them even if they fail.Give small responsibilities to build independence.Listen carefully and show empathy.Focus on your child’s unique strengths.
